Gary är nyårs fin precis efter sitt bad ^^

Nyår!!

'rong klicka rong' är Det tydligen enligt vicky XD

Got this from my sister too. Its kurt cobains notebook....

Christmas

I got this from my sister...im so Fucking bored and i cant stand this place one second!! I wanna go home!!!!Fucking ass fuck!!

Ferdinand

Nu här farmor åkt igen och klapparna är öppnade...så nu sitter vi och tittar på ferdinand...

Julafton

Laga laga mat...snart kommer farmor...

Jul

Jag fick en ring av mop...och ett armband...men det är jättestort...och jag saknar fortfarande vicky

Julkalender

Jag fick en julkalender med bara godis!! Synd bara att vicky inte är här...

It's too late to apologise...

Karlstad

Patrik kom ner och hämtade oss, tur, så slipper vi åka tåg. När vi va i brålanda bestämde bilen sig för att den ville ha luft och vatten, så patrik skrubbade så snällt. Jag och vicky tog fikapaus med smörgås och juice. Jag vet inte riktigt hur jag känner för jul i karlstad. Vi spelar sunblock 911 i bilen, 90 tals favoriterna 'baby baby, why cant we just stay together' och timbaland...känns ordentligt i ryggen med basen i bagagen. Så just nu känns julen rätt okej. Men så fort jag går ur bilen kommer garanterat allt va skit, jobbigt och deppigt...well se...

Tvättstuga

Dumma torktumlaren är asdryg...som vanligt. Den skulle va klar 20 i 3. Men som vanligt får man sitta och vänta i en evighet på att den blir klar...så nu sitter jag här i protest och väntar...imorgon ska jag tvätta igen..kl 8 ugh..men vad gör man inte för att fördriva tid och för att ha rena kläder till jul. Ikväll är det sista hårstyle lektionen. Eller lektion och lektion. Jag ska dit för att få mittz diplom och bilderna från slutfotograferingen. Hoppas fotografen inte förstörde ljussättningen igen. Det lär märkas ikväll när jag får bilderna. Dumma torktumlare. Bli klar någon gång!!

Fucking fuck ass fuck!!

I just Fucking hate this...vicky is sleeping...in our bed...and i want to curl up next to her and fall asleep. Just fall asleep to the sound of her breathing...but i cant sleep...i just cant...i hate this Fucking energy...i hate not having a job... I hate being home alone all day long...i love vicky...all i want is to be with her. If i only could find a job...i just wanna be able to sleep next to her...........*cry*...











i need a smoke..........

Engelbert

Astrid rings

Pepparkakshus!!!!

Vi gör pepparkakshus! Eller ja...vicky gör jag tittar haha. Det blev jättefint. Hon är värsta asduktig. Hihi

Moving Time!

So the day is finally here.
Or...the day isn't here yet..."the day" = tomorrow.

Me and vicky are MOVING!!!!! to Gothenburg ^^
YAAAAAY!
finally
i've been waiting for this for sooo long now.
and i almost can't believe we're actually moving tomorrow.

Everythings packed.
i'm getting up at 7.30 tomorrow....
and then were off..
not at 7.30
but at 8.45

two cars
one city
one life


I love you Victoria!

Can't wait for it to be Friday though, I'll get to spend the entire weekend with Capo. Gosh, I miss her so much. Like I do now. Like I always do. I feel weird though. I don't know why...I just do. It's like..I don't wanna let her out of my sight. I feel like no one is allowed to look at her the way I do. Guess I'm afraid. Like when she gets drunk, well that happened once, but yeah. I think..I'm afraid she'll figure out how much better she is then me..and be like "wtf am I doing with her..I can find someone better, here and now!" I know she wouldn't think so, or hurt me. But still, that's how my brain works. I think the worst things. Then I feel soooo bad..physically and mentally. And I can't seem to be able to express myself in anyway to make people understand. But oh well, hope she reads this..and figures it out. What I'm afraid of. My fears. Of loosing her. It's stupid really. I won't..I got a ring on my finger, a necklace AND a wedding magazine. If it wasn't for real, real feelings, I wouldn't have all that. I wouldn't have her. I would never do anything to hurt her, ever. And I hope my fears..and jealous won't hurt our relationship.
http://lifebyvicky.blogspot.com/




You know I love you, and I always will! Nothing and no one can change the way I feel about you. No one! Nothing! And I promise I will never ever hurt you. You already know all this... I know you do...

YAAAY for makin' chocolatethingies with your girlfriend! ^^

freedom

so...i finally released moria, i let her go. she sat on my hand. and i told her "come on moria, spread your wings...i know you can do it" there was a silent *crack* and then i saw her sail away. . . into the sun. . . *cry*

Paramore

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BAtmE54l9m0

yay for Paramore!
yay for Hayley!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KiR838VOCrA

Let the best man win

so...this is me singin some random song at the culture school thingie here in smalltown karlstad...and now i should probably do my history shit bout berlin...

If you live by the sword, you die by the sword...

I open my eyes, but I still manage to dream
This cold bathroom floor, now just feels like home to me
I stumble to the mirror, and I naturally start to clean
But my body's scorned with marks,
that say "these aren't the last lines that I'll see.."

So please cut this string, attached to my wrists
Buried in my shaking palm, I hold this evil in my fist
I relive my pain, with every scar
It's a battle field of memories, that just won't go away, for me....

This world has tied me down, and the knot keeps tightening
Cause I'm just a puppet, dangling from this breaking string
But maybe I'll turn, this blade the other way
And roll up my sleeves to let the scars show my mistakes

You couldn't make the cut, so now you'll make this cut....

I can't breath, I'm in need, where's my crimson savior?
No I won't crawl back just to bleed,
Forgive me,

I promise i'll stay clean...

There is no blackboard in the sky on which "god" has written your purpose, your mission in life...your purpose is what you say it is. Your mission is the mission you give yourself. Your life will be what you create it as, and no one will stand in judgement of it. Now or ever.

Just for the record...I don't believe in "god"

KAWAII!! ^^

Mr Gary's sleeping on my shoulder!!!! NAAAAAWWW!!! ^^ HE's SO CUTE!!!

Im so fucking pissed off right now, i can't even write...

FUCK OFF YOU ASSHOLE AND LEAVE MY GIRLFRIEND ALONE!!!!!!

Göteborg!

heres the thing! were goin to gothenburg! this saturday! yay. just me and her! so. now im like.. happy! ^^

this is not my home

First of all.. i wanna start with an open message to

BLAZER PROPHET

who has left comments on my two most recent posts. Im gonna get a tattoo with the writing " Write it down". that sentence has helped me alot. so dont push it man. you know nothing..so dont judge me cuz im "young". that shit just pisses me off. and abou the anger. i know i have a lot of anger, a lot of regrets and sorrow. thats where the "write it down" comes from. im grateful for your comments, and id love it if you kept commenting when u feel like it.. but.. yeah. haha. now i dunno what to write. no offense man. haha. so. yeah. now im all normal again. and the reason why i started this new post wasnt to make an open letter to you.. the reason was cuz everything is really fucked up. truly fucked up. i just had a "discussion" with my dad. and i kinda tolt him that me and vicky was thinking bout moving in with eachother. and he was all " i moved to my own place, and ur mom was there all the time, but it was my own place. you should consider that." and. i dunno if my parents know that me and vicky are togehter.. but.. if they havent realized that now.. there blind. cuz its kinda obvious. oh well.. now they know about the moving in with eachother.. so.. i guess its fine. but everything feels so wierd. and vickys parents have gone mad...theyre like.. fighting with her all the time. and all.. and i dont know why.. but i get so pissed off. cuz they havent got a reason to do that. and there just ruining everyting. and everything is so messed up. the only good thing bout it all is that ive got vicky and shes got me. its us.. just us. and no one can change that. cuz ive fallen so deep for her. and yeah. i should stop now before i go crazy...

my looks my decision

okey, this is so fucking messed up! I cant make one single decision by myself. i wanted to colour my hair today, lie Hayley (singer of paramore) and it would really fit me. but oh no. its too close to graduation, and even though the fact that I would look super hot with my Hayley hair and my 1800s dress, Im not allowed to colour my hair, cuz it wont "fit with the style of the dress" or whatever. its my hair. MY HAIR. shouldnt it be my desicion? its so fucking messed up.

me want...

I wanna get a tattoo.. and i want it now..
jesus fuck i wanna get a tattoo

thks fr th mmrs mtrfckrs

so.. i think today is my finding-great-music-day. haha. i just found like.. two more bands, and of course i fell in love with their music. so. today is definitly my finding-great-music-day.
and this weekend will be my spend-alot-of-time-with-my-girlfriend-weekend ^^ yay! everything feels so greeeat! its like.. gees. im so fuckin happy! ^^ lite so i have like three tests/examinations what ever you wanna call it PLUS two essays or whatever in the next two weeks.. and i have no ide what im writing now but oh well. haha im happiiiii and that is all that counts. haha. odd. i NEVER write when im happy, only when im sad...or really really miserable. haha. but now im happe MTRFCKR!!!!! in your face!!! muahahah! u know im talkin to you! XD gees im ultra happy today. haha XD. oh well. now im gonna listen to some badass great music!!
SE YA!!

music for the silent mind

http://www.myspace.com/krazylordyoyo
"do you think i care? i don't i don't i don't"

i don't know... in some way.. some wierd way...
i fell in love with this music.. don't ask me why..
but for some reason.. im stuck. so..

i salute you Krazy Lord Yoyo i salute you

"this song is wrong"

i need a hug... fuck i miss her....

You mother fucking fuckers!! I needed to talk to HER! and you just told EVERYONE that i felt bad. even though i told you i was fine. you mtrfuckers!!!! just fuck off will you!!! just fuck off!!! you just ruined everything!!! fuck off!!!!

chapped

i thought that i shouldnt start this with "so..." but, yeah, feels wierd. I dont know why im writing right now. but.....yeah..
i miss my girl....

i've been rejected...

this isnt goin to well... its kinda fascinating how one tiny thing, can change everything...
i just... everythings just...i just...im just...numb...but im happy, cuz tomorrow im goin to my gf. u know... i miss her, alot...and...this just doesnt feel like home. here i have to play pretend...pretend im someone else, someone im not. u know... do you know how it feels? could you even imagine? how it feels when your closest dispise you, just because of one decision..one love...a lifestyle...could you even imagine? how it feels to give up...to just let go...to feel no pain, no happiness, no sorrow...could you even imagine? being in love...with one person...when everything just feels perfect...just one person... that makes you feel alive again...one person...holding your heart in her hands...could you even imagine? trust.

tell me tell me can you feel the pressure now...?

So...now im happiiiiii ^^ cuz my photoshop cs2 works! ^^ YAY! i been using some shitty HP program to make my pics smaller for about 3 months.. and i whould have gone mad unless my pscs2 would have worked now! ^^ and today is my lucky day! ^^ cuz tomorrow im goin to my whife ^^ mihih .. gees...to u think im happy or what? hahaXD AND! ive got THE gift! im gonna give it to her tomorrow!
YAY FOR US!!
Emma <3 Vicky!!!

I miss our babies.....

its not hard to fall...

and i don't want to scare her....
and i don't want to loose her...

...it's not hard to fall...

<3

so this is love...

...

What am i doing here...?

False start

My computer wont start...my best friend has abandoned me...and im so sad.
please please dear computer, why wont you start?

ok, im freaking out. Im numb, like, i cant feel anything. i have no emotions, i just...am. im seriously freaking out. i need to move, to a flat, anywhere, soon. i need my own space. cant take this, its seriously scary. im totally numb, into my bones.
I think im insane...am i insane? gosh.. i need to get out.. smoke, anything...is this room getting smaller?
I gotta get out of here....

Thanks...alot...really.. NOT!
Now im pissed, sad, dissapointed...everything thats not for the better.
I dont wanna talk about it, so why bring it up?
"it seems so much is left unsaid"
so leave it that way. if i dont wanna talk...leave me alone. is it so hard to understand?
and gees, now im just complaining again...
i need my princess....

All Old Material

Now im pissed. Why should i care about the band when no one else does?
First all she talks bout is how important the band is, and that we should win...and now, she dont wanna rehearse and she dont wanna do anything, she just doesnt care. so why should i? im not the one that wants the band to become "something", I wanna become a photographer... i wanna do my own shit. And how come vicky has to make all the songs? shes got her own thing going on. and if you think you are so bad, playing the guitar...GO HOME AND PRACTICE FFS!!!
Im just so sick of them right now...
why cant they all just go away...?

no subject

Never knew i could feel like this. Its like a part of me is missing, and somehow im broken. Shes all i ever need, and all i ever want. How come no one else can see, how much she really means to me.
In the past youve told me how wrong i am. Me and my way of life.
In the future youve told me that you dont care. As long as im happy, and dont cause myself more pain.
I need a smoke...

Graduation

This morning i spoke to my parents about getting a laptop. They thought it was a great idea and told me that i could put that on my wishlist for grauation. But the conversation didnt stop there. They started talking about having my own company, since i wanna become a photographer. My grandfather could help me out with my bookkeping and all... so all of a sudden my yearning for a laptop became more complicaded that i could ever have imagined. Parents have too much imagination and too high expectations when it comes to their childrens future. But i dont mind, as long as they get me a laptop for my graduation. jk.

Silver is really Gold

Please just rip out my vocal cores. Right here. Right now.
I dont want my voice. What do i need it for when i cant tell you anyting significant. I just say a bunch of words, but somehow theyre forgotten and disappears.. And im sorry. I shouldnt be complaining, i should help. Just shut the fuck up C! Get a grip! She needs you, her girlfriend. And all you do is complain...gees...youre such an ass...

I'm an ass...

Silver

I dont want to do this. I dont want to write about "what you should do". I really dont.
But it seems like you dont understand that i actually care. And that there are people that can help you, if you just ask them. They wont turn you down, and they wont say that youre wierd. Theyll help you, help you get better.
I dont want you to think that im pushing you away when i turn silent on you. I just need to breathe, write and think it all over....what i should tell you next. Frankly. It feels like theres nothing left for me to say. Because no matter what i say, youll just say "we'll see what happens next". Cant you see that i actually worry for you? That i actually care? All i want is for you to be well...both body and spirit.
Now i dont feel so good actually. I dont feel good at all...
Please...wake up and realize...
If you cant break out of it by yourself...get help....please...just ask for help...

Login

I forgot my login, and i struggled for a long long time, trying to log in. But nothing worked. Every login i tried was wrong.

All of a sudden, i realize that ive logged in...and i have no idea how that happened.

Haha!

Hilaroius! XD

Lucky me things just seem to happen for the better sometimes...but i still dont feel like my writings any good...

Laptop

Right now...i want to write so bad. But every word that i type down lack meaning. Its like what ever word or sentence im going to write, it all just comes out wrong.
I dont really know what i want with my writing today. Yesterday i wanted to try to be all carrie-ish and all...and today im just blank.
This morning i felt like i wanted to write, so bad. But since i dont have my own laptop and im sick, its kinda hard. Ive spend the last three days in my livingroom, just watching TV and sleeping. Not having the energy to move, unless it was because i was thirsty and needed water. So i guess you all realize that i cant spend my days upstairs by the computer, the risk of falling asleep and falling off the chair is to big. So my great conclusion of the day is that i should get a laptop, cause i can afford it and i need one.

For some odd reason i get all jealous as soon as i read something someone else wrote. I have no idea why, i guess its just some kind of performance anxiety. Its just wierd thats all. I think im at this stage, where i think that everything ive ever wrote sucks. And soon ill probably give up. But it feels like i need to write today for some reason. I dont know why.

And now i gave up...

Because i adore you!

It's funny how old garbage can get to you.

Some months ago i found two letters from my ex girlfriend. One of them said how much she loved me and adored me, and the other one broke up with me. All my feelings from the first time i read it came back, and i was overwhelmed... overwhelmed by fears for the future, by anger, by depression. It never occured to me that feelings could be stored for years, in what seems to be, garbage. I could never ever have guessed that i would react so strong to an old piece of paper...but oh how wrong i were.

Why are old belongings so segnificant?

Why is a piece of paper, or any other gift, so hard to throw away?