False start

My computer wont start...my best friend has abandoned me...and im so sad.
please please dear computer, why wont you start?

ok, im freaking out. Im numb, like, i cant feel anything. i have no emotions, i just...am. im seriously freaking out. i need to move, to a flat, anywhere, soon. i need my own space. cant take this, its seriously scary. im totally numb, into my bones.
I think im insane...am i insane? gosh.. i need to get out.. smoke, anything...is this room getting smaller?
I gotta get out of here....

Thanks...alot...really.. NOT!
Now im pissed, sad, dissapointed...everything thats not for the better.
I dont wanna talk about it, so why bring it up?
"it seems so much is left unsaid"
so leave it that way. if i dont wanna talk...leave me alone. is it so hard to understand?
and gees, now im just complaining again...
i need my princess....

All Old Material

Now im pissed. Why should i care about the band when no one else does?
First all she talks bout is how important the band is, and that we should win...and now, she dont wanna rehearse and she dont wanna do anything, she just doesnt care. so why should i? im not the one that wants the band to become "something", I wanna become a photographer... i wanna do my own shit. And how come vicky has to make all the songs? shes got her own thing going on. and if you think you are so bad, playing the guitar...GO HOME AND PRACTICE FFS!!!
Im just so sick of them right now...
why cant they all just go away...?

no subject

Never knew i could feel like this. Its like a part of me is missing, and somehow im broken. Shes all i ever need, and all i ever want. How come no one else can see, how much she really means to me.
In the past youve told me how wrong i am. Me and my way of life.
In the future youve told me that you dont care. As long as im happy, and dont cause myself more pain.
I need a smoke...

Graduation

This morning i spoke to my parents about getting a laptop. They thought it was a great idea and told me that i could put that on my wishlist for grauation. But the conversation didnt stop there. They started talking about having my own company, since i wanna become a photographer. My grandfather could help me out with my bookkeping and all... so all of a sudden my yearning for a laptop became more complicaded that i could ever have imagined. Parents have too much imagination and too high expectations when it comes to their childrens future. But i dont mind, as long as they get me a laptop for my graduation. jk.

Silver is really Gold

Please just rip out my vocal cores. Right here. Right now.
I dont want my voice. What do i need it for when i cant tell you anyting significant. I just say a bunch of words, but somehow theyre forgotten and disappears.. And im sorry. I shouldnt be complaining, i should help. Just shut the fuck up C! Get a grip! She needs you, her girlfriend. And all you do is complain...gees...youre such an ass...

I'm an ass...

Silver

I dont want to do this. I dont want to write about "what you should do". I really dont.
But it seems like you dont understand that i actually care. And that there are people that can help you, if you just ask them. They wont turn you down, and they wont say that youre wierd. Theyll help you, help you get better.
I dont want you to think that im pushing you away when i turn silent on you. I just need to breathe, write and think it all over....what i should tell you next. Frankly. It feels like theres nothing left for me to say. Because no matter what i say, youll just say "we'll see what happens next". Cant you see that i actually worry for you? That i actually care? All i want is for you to be well...both body and spirit.
Now i dont feel so good actually. I dont feel good at all...
Please...wake up and realize...
If you cant break out of it by yourself...get help....please...just ask for help...

Login

I forgot my login, and i struggled for a long long time, trying to log in. But nothing worked. Every login i tried was wrong.

All of a sudden, i realize that ive logged in...and i have no idea how that happened.

Haha!

Hilaroius! XD

Lucky me things just seem to happen for the better sometimes...but i still dont feel like my writings any good...

Laptop

Right now...i want to write so bad. But every word that i type down lack meaning. Its like what ever word or sentence im going to write, it all just comes out wrong.
I dont really know what i want with my writing today. Yesterday i wanted to try to be all carrie-ish and all...and today im just blank.
This morning i felt like i wanted to write, so bad. But since i dont have my own laptop and im sick, its kinda hard. Ive spend the last three days in my livingroom, just watching TV and sleeping. Not having the energy to move, unless it was because i was thirsty and needed water. So i guess you all realize that i cant spend my days upstairs by the computer, the risk of falling asleep and falling off the chair is to big. So my great conclusion of the day is that i should get a laptop, cause i can afford it and i need one.

For some odd reason i get all jealous as soon as i read something someone else wrote. I have no idea why, i guess its just some kind of performance anxiety. Its just wierd thats all. I think im at this stage, where i think that everything ive ever wrote sucks. And soon ill probably give up. But it feels like i need to write today for some reason. I dont know why.

And now i gave up...

Because i adore you!

It's funny how old garbage can get to you.

Some months ago i found two letters from my ex girlfriend. One of them said how much she loved me and adored me, and the other one broke up with me. All my feelings from the first time i read it came back, and i was overwhelmed... overwhelmed by fears for the future, by anger, by depression. It never occured to me that feelings could be stored for years, in what seems to be, garbage. I could never ever have guessed that i would react so strong to an old piece of paper...but oh how wrong i were.

Why are old belongings so segnificant?

Why is a piece of paper, or any other gift, so hard to throw away?